Missing You..........

As I sit here and right this, words cannot express how I feel. I lost a friend September 11, 2009. The pain that I feel is deep, and I keep questioning what happen, and why. Kaneesha Mallard was a beautiful girl. She was full of life, and love to laugh. She was a great friend, and an amazing confidant we had fun together. There was never a dull moment when she was around. I remember when I first met Kaneesha I remember thinking I like this girl, she’s very real. This morning I got a phone call that broke my sprits, and turned my life completely around.
I feel bad, why is it another mother must bury her child? This is not a natural way of life. In life when all is going wrong we think “what else can go wrong,” things are supposed to go from bad to good, but this is something different, someone took her life way to early, and don’t realize the pain that they inflicted on her friends, and family. I never thought that I will feel the burden of a friends death, but thinking did not help. The pain will stay with me for the rest of my life, but I will remember to smile every time I think about her, every time I hear her name. I am tired of the violence it is time for a change, I must be that change, if I don’t want to lose anymore friends to early, and mourn another death. I feel sick to my stomach right now, and the feeling will not get any better, it will just get worse as things unfold.
Her life was so precious, why couldn’t they see that? Why couldn’t they see who she was? Why did they not care? Who could do such a thing, take a sister, a daughter, a friend? Sometimes we don’t realize how important the little moments or, we have to learn to cherish the seconds, minutes, hours, and days that we share with our love ones. Time well spent with people we love, that is what make our lives rich, not how much money we have, our the material things we pose, but the love we share for each other I will never recover from this, I just learnt, that time is not promise. We have to express our love for the ones that are here, and remember the ones we lost. There will always be a void in our group of friends, because we lost someone very dear to us. Love you Girl.

FRIENDS INDEED

I am the fourth of eight children. My oldest sibling is six years older than me, and my youngest sibling is 11 years younger than me. My siblings and I have lived together most of our lives, but rarely ever had anything in common.

I remember as a child I could never go out with my older siblings, because the gap in age difference, and really had no interest in what my younger siblings were doing.

So I had to find friends. As a child in elementary school I was often teased and misunderstood. Other kids would call me names and tell me that I was switching as I walk, which lead to them calling me things like sissy, faggot, punks, and a list of other homophobic remarks I dare not mention. I would find solace and individuality in books, and other crafts offered by the teacher, or after school programs.

One time when I was in the third grade I paid a girl two dollars to be my friend for the whole day, and she did. I was happy for that, but came to realize that was making my self esteem even lower.

I grew up and went to middle school, and somewhere in the process I found power and happiness within myself, and began to stand up for myself. I decided that I would no longer take the abuse of my peers and learned how to love myself regardless of friends or not.

That's when I met Basilla Perez. Basilla was a very pretty Mexican girl. On the first day of English class I sat next to her, "Hi. I'm Lamar," I said to her.

"Hello I'm Basilla."

"Nice to meet you" we said in unison.

Basilla was like my first real friend ever. She made me feel normal when I knew that I wasn't. Basilla made me feel real, and really help me through the bad times in adolescents, she was my rock, and she was who understood me. My day to day criticism became something of the past. I guest since I had a female friend the speculations started to die down. Even though Basilla was not my girlfriend in an affectionate type of way, she still stood up for me like I was her boyfriend. Sometimes when people would say I was gay or something she would lie and say that we were dating so I couldn't be gay, and for that reason she was the first person I ever came out to in the eighth grade.

When I came out to her she never stop looking at me like I was a different person she just saw who I was before she knew. And that was really important to me I had a friend no matter what would be there for me for whatever I came to face. She made me realize all the people in the world were not bad. She opened my eyes up to new possibilities she gave me a chance to be me when society showed me solidarity and confusion, she was who gave me piece of mind.

I lost contact with Basilla a while ago, but wish everyday that she was still in my life. I would give a right arm just to tell her how much she helped me grow, and if I would have never met her in that sixth grade class. Then I would probably not be who I am today. Thank you, Basilla Perez.